


ready or not

by blondsak



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Team as Family, Tony Stark is a pushover, Tony Stark loves his kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 08:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21176366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondsak/pseuds/blondsak
Summary: Tony turns back to the group, looking at Morgan. “Okay kiddo, you’re in charge here. Who’s the seeker?”“I want you to be the seeker, Daddy!” Morgan says, pointing at him.Tony stifles a groan. “Are you sure, honey? What about Auntie Nat, or Uncle Thor, or--”“No! It has to be you.”Tony sighs, resigned to his fate.--AKA The entire team plays a giant game of Hide & Seek, with Tony as the unfortunate seeker. Written for frostysunflower's birthday <3





	ready or not

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frostysunflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostysunflowers/gifts).

> This fic was written in honor of [frostysunflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostysunflowers/pseuds/frostysunflowers), who is celebrating her birthday today!! She is also one of the most talented authors in the fandom and also just an incredible person <3
> 
> Big thanks and jedi hugs to [hailingstars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hailingstars/pseuds/hailingstars) and [seekrest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest) for looking over this for me-- you guys are the best!
> 
> Thank you for being YOU, Cleo! I hope you enjoy this 4k worth of pure fluff and humor :)

“Daddy, can we play Hide & Seek?”**  
**

Tony looks up from the book he’s covertly reading on his tablet to see Morgan - wearing her favorite blue dress and inexplicably, a cat ears headband he can’t remember seeing before - standing before him, hands on her hips.

Tony sets the tablet down. “Hm, I suppose we can do that, Momo. I’ll count to one hundred while you go hide, okay?”

Morgan shakes her head. “Can we _all_ play Hide & Seek?”

“Ah,” Tony says, looking over to the kitchen and dining room where most of his guests are gathered. Of the fifteen or so people - plus a few alien beings and a rather raucous god - all are currently engrossed in three activities: eating and talking quietly amongst themselves (Nat, Bruce, Bucky, Gamora, Wanda, Mantis, Nebula, Sam, and Steve), arguing over who gets the rest of the bacon (Quill, Rocket, Groot, Thor, Clint, Drax, Rhodey, and Happy) or - in Harley and Peter’s case - attempting to fling spoonfuls of scrambled eggs at each other. Tony grimaces-- those two are really making a mess. 

Tony will have to show them how it’s properly done later… maybe on spaghetti night.

He turns back to Morgan, who is shuffling her feet-- impatiently waiting for a verdict. “Tell you what, honey, why don’t you go ask everyone and whoever wants to play, we’ll meet in the kitchen once breakfast is cleaned up, alright?”

Morgan cocks her head to the side as if considering a business proposal, before nodding. “Okay!”

He watches as Morgan skips away, going to Natasha first. 

Tony picks his tablet up again, smiling. At best he thinks maybe five or so will agree, and who knows-- knowing Morgan, she might get distracted again by that time anyway. 

* * *

As it turns out, nobody is immune to Morgan’s doe eyes because a half hour later, Tony enters the kitchen to find absolutely everyone crammed in, waiting for instructions. As soon as he walks in Pepper pats his arm and heads toward the living room.

“Wait-- why do you get out of this and I don’t?” Tony whines.

Pepper raises an eyebrow. “Do you really want me to relay the list? Let’s see, it begins with 21 excruciating hours of labor and after that--”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony says with a huff, waving her off. “You’re right as usual.”

He smiles gently, giving her a soft peck on the lips before turning back to the group and looking at Morgan. “Okay kiddo, you’re in charge here. Who’s the seeker?”

Before Morgan can respond, Drax speaks up. “What is the purpose of this game? Quill tells me it is most commonly played by young human children. Is it meant to assist the little ones in learning tactical evasion maneuvers?”

Rocket mutters something that sounds suspiciously like “for funsies, idiot” under his breath.

Tony shrugs at Drax. “Sure, let’s go with that. Who’s it gonna be, Momo?”

“I want you to be the seeker, Daddy!” Morgan says, pointing at him.

Tony stifles a groan. In truth, he’d been planning to hide in an obvious spot so he’d be found quickly and could join Pepper back on the couch. He only had sixty pages left of the second Twilight book and he had to know what happened (he was personally Team Jacob-- Edward being far too sullen and stalkerish for his tastes). 

“Are you sure, honey?” he asks Morgan. “What about Auntie Nat, or Uncle Thor, or--”

“No! It has to be you.”

Tony sighs, resigned to his fate. 

Peter raises a hand then, and Tony lifts an eyebrow teasingly. “You can just spit it out, kid. This isn’t a classroom.”

“Just wondering what the rules are? Where are we allowed to hide, and all that?”

Tony rubs his chin, thinking. “Since there’s so many of us, I figure both the house and the guest cabin are fair game. As for outside, within sight of the house sounds good. Once you’re found, you’re out-- no re-hiding. Any other questions?”

“What does the victor receive?” Drax asks. “There must be spoils, surely?”

Tony blinks. “Eternal acclaim for anyone who outwits me. Same for me when I find all of you.”

“I wouldn’t get too cocky, Stark,” Natasha says at the same time Drax exclaims, “Now that is a quite a prize!”, his eyes shining with unbridled desire.

“I’ll have you know I’m an expert seeker,” Tony tells Natasha before addressing the entire group again. “Alright, I’ll stay in the kitchen and count to two hundred. Everyone ready?”

There’s a chorus of agreement, and Tony covers his eyes. “One, two, three…”

* * *

“...one hundred ninety-eight, one hundred ninety-nine, two-hundred.”

Tony opens his eyes to see Rhodey standing before him.

“Oh darn, you found me,” he deadpans.

Tony rolls his eyes. “Why did you even agree to play?”

“Have you met your daughter?”

Tony thinks about that for a second. “Fair point, platypus.”

He follows Rhodey out into the living room, where Pepper is relaxed across the couch, reading a book. “Hello beautiful wife, any chance I can persuade you to give me a hint?”

Pepper smiles sweetly. “Not a chance, dear husband.”

“Traitor,” Tony mutters. He turns to exit the room when he freezes. “Found you, Drax.”

Drax pulls the lampshade off his head from where he’s standing in the corner, placing it back on the light fixture. “Your seeker skills are quite prodigious, Man of Iron!”

Tony grins arrogantly. “What can I say? Many years of practice have honed them to a fine point.”

He ignores Rhodey’s skeptical bark of laughter, continuing toward the stairs. He’s not even at the top before he hears a very familiar giggle.

Tony sticks his head into Morgan’s room. “Gotcha, Little Miss-- what is this?”

Morgan looks up from where she’s sitting on her bed with Natasha, a tea set between them. Natasha is sporting a plastic princess crown.

“We’re playing Tea Party, Daddy!”

“What happened to Hide & Seek?”

Nat shrugs. “We hid in the closet but Morgan got bored. So I suggested this instead.”

Tony turns back to Morgan. “But Momo, you were the one who wanted to play! Will you at least help me find the others?”

“I want to play Tea Party with Auntie Nat,” Morgan pouts. 

“Alright,” Tony give in with a sigh. 

God, he really can’t say no to her, can he? Tony’s reminded of the day he brought Gerald home, how Pepper had been aghast at his explanation.

_But Morgan asked really nicely, honey._

He’ll have to work on that later, Tony thinks as he retreats back into the hallway. 

He’s about to check Peter and Harley’s room when he hears someone humming-- no, singing-- above his head.

Tony smirks, releasing the attic hatch and unfolding the stairs before climbing up.

He’s not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t Quill sitting with his legs crossed and headphones on, eyes closed and crooning away. Next to him rests an open box of Tony’s old 70s and 80s tapes.

_“When a good time turns around-- you must whip it! You will never live it down-- unless you whip it!”_

Tony clears his throat loudly but Quill doesn’t notice, belting out a high note and bopping away. Tony climbs the rest of the way into the attic space.

_“I say whip it, whip it good!”_

Tony taps the man on the shoulder, and Quill opens his eyes, giving Tony a grin and moving one of his headphones off an ear. “Stark! What the heck are you doing leaving this treasure trove up here to collect dust? You have some real masterpieces, man--”

“Take whatever you want, Flash Gordon,” Tony replies airily, moving past Quill and toward the attic window he sees an unnatural shadow move on the roof.

“Wait-- you’re just giving these beauts away for _free?_ To _me?_” Quill exclaims from behind him as Tony opens the window, popping his head outside.

“Pretty sure the roof wasn’t on the list of places you were allowed to hide, birdbrain.”

Clint shrugs at Tony from where he’s laid out on the roof, legs crossed and arms behind his head, looking for all the world like he’s sunbathing. “You said anywhere within sight of the house, and technically this is within sight. Plus,” he adds, winking at Tony, “Star-Lord’s got a good voice.”

Tony rolls his eyes before retreating back inside, Quill having put his headphones back on and resumed singing. 

He’s humming the opening riff of _Eye of the Tiger_, head banging hard when Tony climbs back down into the hallway, closing up the attic hatch. He’s about to retreat back downstairs when he hears a loud snoring sound coming from the second floor bathroom.

Tony steps inside and opens the shower curtain to find Happy completely conked out, drool pooling on the porcelain enamel ledge. He laughs quietly to himself, before grabbing a ply of toilet paper and one of Pepper’s lipsticks.

On the ply he writes _Found you, Forehead. -TS_ before leaving it on Happy’s chest and going back downstairs.

* * *

The rest of the bottom floor is clear, and so Tony throws on his sneakers, purposely ignoring Pepper’s mischievous smirk from the couch as he steps outside. He’s barely off the porch when he hears the creak of the garage lab side door, Thor racing out.

“Stark! Come see what Bruce and I discovered!”

“What is the point of this goddamn game, again?” Tony mutters to himself, watching as Thor comes to a stop before him.

“Thor, buddy-- the point is for me to find you,” Tony says, patting the god on the back. “Not the other way around.”

Thor shakes his head, waving a hand. “Yes, yes, I am aware. You must understand, Bruce and I were attempting to lay low in the garage when I may have accidentally upset a few boxes. But it was a fortunate error, as one contained a photo album from the early days of the Avengers!”

Tony groans. “Oh god, you’re not talking about the joke album Nat gave me for my 45th birthday, are you? The one that’s just various pictures of all of us drunk and acting like idiots at post-mission parties?”

“The very same!” Thor says with a giant grin, before cocking his head. “Do you not enjoy recalling our shared moments of revelry?”

“You say that like I remember half of them,” Tony responds, before giving Thor another pat. “Listen, tell Bruce I’m considering you both found, alright? And to put that album at the bottom of the box you found it in. The last thing I need is one of the kids coming across it.”

Particularly Harley, Tony thinks with a shiver of fear. He doesn’t even want to imagine what the kid would do with that kind of ammo-- probably bribe Tony for his own suit. The kid had even proposed a name once: Iron Lad. Tony had shot that down with little remorse at the time, but if the kid had the album, well-- all bets were off.

That’s it-- Tony was going to burn it. Or leave it out for Gerald to chew up-- that would work too.

Speaking of Harley, just then Tony saw something move in the corner of his eye, and turned just in time to see a familiar head of wispy brown hair scrunch down in the driver’s seat of Tony’s Audi e-tron GT. 

“Aha,” Tony says, grinning widely and striding over. “Got you, Keener!”

He hasn’t even made it ten feet when the Audi turns on, Harley popping up and looking at Tony with wide eyes before he throws the car in gear, peeling out of the driveway. Tony’s jaw drops as he starts to sprint over, incredulous.

“Get back here, you little shit!” Tony yells, but it’s futile. 

Tony watches helplessly as Harley rolls down the window, sticking an arm out and making a celebratory fist gesture as he cries out, “Catch me now, old man!” before the car disappears up the gravel road and out of sight.

“Oh, I’m gonna kill him,” Tony says, stopping at the treeline to catch his breath, hands on his knees. God, he’s getting too old for this crap.

Just then he hears a snicker coming from above, followed by an _oof_ and a snarled “Shut up, you imbecile.”

Tony looks up to see three pairs of eyes staring back at him. He points at Rocket, Nebula and Mantis in turn. “Found you, you and you.”

“And now we have lost,” Nebula says accusingly, staring hard at Rocket. 

“Don’t blame me,” Rocket says, climbing out of the tree and spreading his arms at Nebula as she jumps down, landing in the grass. “Blame that Keener twerp for pulling a fast one on Stark!”

Rocket turns to Tony. “Sorry shorty, but that was hilarious. Funniest thing I’ve seen since the day Quill nearly got sucked into a planet’s anus.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Tony replies. “And who’s calling who shorty? You’re two feet tall on a good day, you furry menace.”

Just then there’s a soft _I am groot?_ at Tony’s ear. He nearly jumps out of his skin, stumbling back only to see Groot standing next to the tree that the others were in, looking for all the world like just another part of the foliage.

“Motherfu-- don’t scare me like that!” Tony exclaims. 

_“I am Groot,”_ Groot says, visibly wilting. 

“It’s okay, little guy,” Tony says, patting one of Groot’s branches gently. “Found you too though, huh?”

_“I am Groot,” _Groot agrees, nodding.

“Alright, I still have to check the guest house. The rest of you are welcome to join the others inside, or whatever you’d like to do,” Tony says, then looks back up into the tree. “Mantis, you can come down now-- you don’t have to hide anymore.”

Mantis carefully shimmies down the tree trunk. “Is the game over?”

“Sadly, no,” Tony says, gritting his teeth as he starts toward the guest cabin.

“Good luck, Stark,” Rocket calls out, snickering again.

“Don’t test me, trash panda,” Tony tosses back over his shoulder. “I’ll turn your tail into a fancy duster, don’t think I won’t!”

He keeps walking away until the laughter behind him dies down, looking every which way for any other signs of the remaining players. He’s passing by the beach when he sees a figure at the end of the dock. 

It’s Wanda, sitting quietly with her feet in the water, staring out at the lake. Tony considers letting her know she’s been found, but she looks so peaceful that he decides to let her be. He figures she’s earned every bit of contentment she can find.

He continues on to the guest cabin. He’s checked nearly every room on the first floor and found nobody else when he hears a _clunk _sound followed by a thud and some select curses, all emanating from the hallway broom closet. 

He flings open the door. “Aha, found both you miscreants.”

Bucky turns to Sam, who is putting a bucket back on the shelf. “This is your fault. He wouldn’t have known we were in here if you didn’t knock over the damn bucket!”

“No one asked you to hide with me, dumbass. Maybe don’t follow someone into a tiny, dark closet next time if you don’t want crap to get jostled!”

Tony rolls his eyes, sighing. “As fascinating as it is to witness your lover’s quarrel, I’m leaving now.”

Tony ignores the pair of threat-laden retorts he receives in response, shutting the closet door and continuing on up the stairs to the second floor bedrooms. 

He finds nobody in the first three rooms, only to open the door to the fourth to see Steve on the bed, sitting up against the headboard and flipping through a copy of _TIME._

“I figured it would take you a while to make your way out here,” Steve says casually, glancing up at Tony with a smirk. “Did I win?”

“‘Fraid not, winghead,” Tony says, leaning on the door. “I’m still missing two.”

“Pity,” Steve says, turning back to his magazine. “I was looking forward to that eternal acclaim.”

“America’s Ass already gets more than enough of that, I think,” Tony quips with an exaggerated wink, Steve frowning as his face reddened. “Any chance you can use your super-senses, help me out here?”

Steve shakes his head, frown somehow deepening as he pins Tony with a disapproving look. “America’s Ass doesn’t cheat, Tony.”

“Party pooper,” Tony whines, shutting the door and going back downstairs.

He does another quick sweep of the grounds and garage - Bruce and Thor still flipping through that cursed album - before heading back into the house. Most of the group is hanging out in the living room, reading or watching an episode of _House Hunters._

“How’s it going, dear husband?” Pepper asks mischievously without looking up from her book.

“Keener stole my car and Thor & Bruce found future bribe material, is how it’s going,” Tony says haughtily. “And on top of that, I’m still missing Gamora and Pete. I swear-- I’ve looked _everywhere_, Pep.”

“Clearly not, if you haven’t found them,” Pepper replies, turning to the next page. When Tony doesn’t move, she looks up with a smirk. “Well? Better get back to it, then.”

Tony gives her an annoyed stare, face twitching.

“Yes, dear,” he finally says, making his way up the stairs to the second floor again. He’s back downstairs ten minutes later, ignoring the snickering and stares from the living room as he makes his way toward the kitchen. As he passes through the dining room, he hears the smallest of grunts coming from underneath the table.

He’s already looked there but he leans down anyway, lifting the table cloth. As before there’s nobody and he wonders if he was just hearing things, but then he glances up.

“Damn, have you been holding that position this entire time?”

Gamora looks down at him from where she’s managed to wedge herself underneath the table top, hands around two table legs and each foot in a corner, holding herself up off the floor in an X-shape.

She lets go, landing on all fours before gracefully climbing out, Tony offering her a hand as they both stand back up. “You say that like it’s difficult.”

“It… is? God knows I don’t have that kind of body strength. No wonder Quill kisses the ground you walk on.”

Gamora smirks. “Well, I’ve saved his ass enough times, he better. So, did I win?”

Tony shakes his head. “The spiderling continues to evade me. But I bet he’d be willing to share some of that eternal renown, if he wins. Not that he will, mind you-- I fully plan to covet that prize for myself.”

“No need for sharing,” Gamora says airily, making for the living room. “I’m worshipped as a goddess on a planet in the Andromeda Galaxy already.”

Tony nods to himself, eyebrows raised. 

“That doesn’t surprise me in the least,” he mutters as he makes his way into the kitchen-- Peter could probably fit in a cupboard if he put his mind to it.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later finds Tony storming back into the living room, frustrated and ready for this damn game to be over already but too proud to call it.

“Damn kid figured out how to turn invisible, I swear,” Tony mutters to himself, heading for the front door. 

“Are you giving up yet?” Pepper calls after him.

“Hell no. Starks do not simply _give up,_” he responds over his shoulder, before opening the screen door and turning to face her and the rest of the group-- most of whom look not in the least impressed, to his chagrin. “I’m going to do another sweep of the guest cabin-- the kid has to be in there. I’ve searched everywhere else twice.”

Pepper shrugs, sitting up a tiny bit on the couch before leaning back into a more comfortable position. “Suit yourself.”

* * *

A half hour after_ that_ Tony stumbles back into the house, beyond exasperated. “He’s cheating, he has to be!”

The whole group snickers, which only serves to make Tony more annoyed. “I’d like to see you all try to search this entire property for one wayward spiderling!”

“The kid won, Tones,” Rhodey says from where he’s sitting in an armchair, engrossed in Candy Crush. “Just admit it.”

“I admit_ nothing_,” Tony retorts, only to add, “...but I also really want to finish my book, dangit.”

“More than you want eternal acclaim?” Pepper teases with a smile. 

Tony sighs, resigned once more to his fate. “Fine. I give up. Pete wins.”

Pepper nods sagely, before standing up. “Okay, kid. You can come out now.”

The cushion Pepper had been resting on explodes upward, everyone gasping as Peter climbs out from where he’d wedged himself in the folds of the pull-out bed underneath. “You don’t give up easy, Mister Stark-- I thought I was going to be stuck there forever!”

“That’s-- that’s cheating!” Tony sputters, incredulous. He points an accusing finger at Pepper. “You conspired against me! Do our vows mean _nothing_ to you? I thought we were a team, Pep!”

“I most certainly did _not _conspire,” Pepper replies with an exaggerated air of innocence. “It’s not my fault you never asked me to move so you could check under the couch cushions.”

“She’s got a point, Stark,” Sam says, the others nodding in agreement while Tony continues to shake his head, jaw unhinged.

“This game is rigged!” Tony finally exclaims. “That’s it. No eternal acclaim for _anyone_, you bunch of-- of reprobates!”

“But Mister Stark,” Peter says, giving Tony his best puppy dog eyes. “_Please _don’t take away my prize!”

“That look is also cheating,” Tony mutters, letting out an annoyed sniff. Peter doesn’t let up though, Tony deliberately looking away only to see everyone staring at the kid with sympathetic looks. 

Tony inwardly groans. God, he’s such a pushover these days-- it’s absolutely ridiculous, it really is.

He turns back to Peter with a huff. “Jeez, fine! You win! Just stop with the eyes already.”

Peter’s face breaks out into a giant grin just as Rhodey stands up from his chair and lifts one of the kid’s arms into the air. “Ladies and gentlemen, your Hide & Seek victor!”

Everyone claps at the announcement, Peter turning bright red at the attention. Tony can’t help it-- he grins at Peter’s bashful look, his annoyance crumbling away. He puts an arm around the teen’s shoulders, pulling him in close and kissing his hair.

“Nice job, underoos.”

Peter looks up at him, smiling. “Thanks, Mister Stark.”

Just then the front door slams open and Harley charges into the room, Thor and Bruce right behind him.

“You are in so much trouble, Keener,” Tony chastises in a low voice, starting forward only to halt when Harley merely raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. He lifts an arm up to reveal a familiar album, Tony paling at the sight.

“Caught Thor and Bruce trying to stow this beauty back in a box in the garage, Stark. Hmm, I wonder why?”

“Oh, it’s _on,_” Tony says, lunging at Harley who pushes past Thor and Bruce. He runs back out the door, Tony hot on his heels. 

”You are _so_ dead when I catch you!” Tony cries after him, nearly tripping on the front entryway rug as he pursues the teenager outside.

The group watches through the windows in stunned silence as Tony chases Harley up and down the beach, the kid waving the album like a matador only to expertly dart out of Tony’s clutches every time, face growing more red and fierce with every tumble into the sand.

“Do you think I should tell him the kid already sent every last photo to an Avengers fan blog?” Bruce quietly asks Pepper.

“No, I don’t think so,” Pepper whispers back, shaking her head as she stifles a laugh. “This is much funnier.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are most appreciated!! And feel free to come hang out with me on [my tumblr](https://blondsak.tumblr.com/) if you have one of those <3 <3 <3


End file.
